Emotional Triggers & Accountability
Do you ever feel like your reaction to someone or something is bigger than the event itself? Or do you notice how we can give away our power and sabotage ourselves in certain situations? When we experience a trauma or painful event in our lives, that wound tends to play out until we do the inner work to heal. If you felt dismissed or unseen as a child, being valued and respected can be a continual need in your personal and professional relationships. If you felt abandoned, the pattern of abandonment, whether consciously or unconsciously, will play out over and over again in your interactions with others. These intense reactions are triggered by unhealed emotions, and the recurring patterns are our cue to take care of our inner child.
One of my core issues in this life is abandonment. When I was first married, I was constantly afraid my husband was going to leave me, although he did exactly what I needed and constantly reassured me he was there to stay and was committed to our marriage. My fear of him leaving was not logical, but the fear persisted until I eventually believed him. Even after I realized my husband wasn’t going to abandon me, I often tested him. I was unconsciously trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy of being abandoned. I didn’t know it at the time, but this deep seeded fear of abandonment was triggered by my childhood experiences.
When we don’t know who we are and why we react the way we do, we tend to project our feelings onto others and blame them for how we’re feeling, creating a toxic environment for everyone. It’s important that we understand ourselves and our triggers so that we don’t project our wounds onto our partners, friends, and co-workers. It’s also essential, especially in intimate relationships, that we discuss our feelings with our partners so they are aware of and sensitive to our triggers so we can work through the issues together with compassion. Clear communication, honesty, and openness are necessary to build trust, create a healthy, loving relationship, and create a space where healing can take place.
No matter how much potential we have, emotional triggers (the shadow self) can ruin our lives if we don’t have self-awareness and take accountability for our reactions. Until we develop self-awareness, are brutally honest with ourselves, and are willing to do the work to stop the cycle, we will continue to sabotage our personal and professional hopes, dreams, and relationships. Although I’ve done a lot of healing work around the lesson of abandonment, it still has a tendency to play out, especially in intimate relationships. Now that I am acutely aware that abandonment is a trigger, I recognize the emotional reaction and can keep the focus on myself with the continual intention to heal and become whole within myself. It’s still not easy, but at least now I can work with the reaction rather than let it control my life. It all comes down to loving yourself and learning to give yourself what you seek from others.
What are your emotional triggers and core lessons? I share my personal story to hopefully inspire you to let go of any shame or judgment around taking ownership of yourself. Understanding ourselves in this way does require humility and a willingness to be vulnerable. If we could all take off our masks, we’d see that the only difference is the lessons we have to learn in our lives.
Pay attention to your emotional interactions with people. Ask the Divine/Universal Intelligence, an unconditional loving energy we are all a part of and connected to, to give you the tools, courage and patience needed to understand yourself. And then walk that path with as much love and compassion for yourself as you can muster. You will be divinely supported, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. Stay the course, do the work and over time you’ll be able to look back and see how your life has come together in the most beautiful, authentic way.
